Inferior.

Im starting to realise that whatever i do now.. be it anything, im just not up to it.

Im not as pretty as her.

Not as smart as her.

Not as great as her.

Not as amiable as her.

I feel im lagging behind in every way.

And i seem to be one step behind in everything i do.

I don't know why, but just.. I hate this feeling.

Everytime when i have expectations for myself, i just can't seem to reach it and accomplish it.

It's just disappointment after another disappointment.

I don't know how i can make myself feel confident about things i do now and most importantly me..

Cause in your heart, im always invisible or maybe just good for nothing.

I really dread myself being this way. Im unsure about the things i want and the thing i need.

But, now, All, i need is just a listening ear. That's all..

I don't understand why things have to turn out to be so complicating.

I wished i could turn back time. But it's pointless.

I thought, i was stronger but it turn out to be the other way.

I thought i could do it alone. Strive my way through with a smile and laughters.

But then again, it's easier said than done.

You're so far from reality. Im left here hanging again.

Its a merry merry Christmas

Another Day out with vanessa to orchard, celebrating Christmas! ^^
A rather busy day with long traffic, crowded regions, road blocks and shopping..
But despite all these.... It was an awesome day out! HEH!

LOVE CHRISTMAS !!
Okay its late gonna sleep now. Night people. Happy belated Christmas!!!~

Give me a break will you?

Holiday is coming to an end.

A new year is starting.

School's reopening.

My homework aren't finish.

Packed schedules.

Im as good as dead.

Sometimes, i really wish.. i could be freed from all these frustrations.

I wish i could run away to a really far place where everything are meant for me. Made for me.

No frustrations, no sadness, no anger, no tears, no lies, nothing but happy.

There's so many things i wish but none can turn to reality.

So many things i wished you could understand, time after time.

So many expectations that turn into disappointment.

But afterall....

I just hope everything turn for the better.

I hope you'll feel better, be happier, smile more, laugh more.

And last but not least, understand how i feel.

Stand in position for once.

Shower me with love for once.

Talk to me nicely for once.

Just be who you're suppose to be for once.

And lastly Please... show me you care for once.

Don't disappoint me any further.

Why is it just so hard to be a happy girl.

Sometimes, i really wish for someone to understand me alittle better.

I thought you were someone who understands me well, really well.

But i was wrong, that's not the case.

In fact, how well do you really know me?

Just, the surface of me?

I really hate that feeling when you're actually feeling very miserable, so miserable that you wish you could blurt out all your feelings, your anger, your everything.

But at the very end you can't.

Just cause.. Just cause, you can't. Yes just two pathetic words I CAN'T.

Despite all the anger, misery and every fucking reason that caused you to feel extremely uncomfortable, you still have to force the slightest smile out, on your face.

But actually, deep down inside that smile, everything's fake.

I don't know, my heart feels very heavy.

You change. Yes, i know everyone change.

But within such a short time, this drastic change is too much for me to accept.

I kept telling myself, it's okay.

But how okay can i really be?

I know very well, inside me, im not okay.

But who cares? Who will even stop to care even if im okay?

And even if someone would i doubt i can even open up to them to say "im feeling terrible."

I don't ask for much, i just want someone to be there when i really need them.

I want someone i can hold on tightly.

I want someone true to me.

Is it too much to ask for?

If it is, then im sorry, but i really yearn someone like that.

The first one is the worst one when it come to a broken heart

Haven't been blogging for quite awhile.

Shall just update it since i have nothing to do.

Have been rotting at home for the past few days.

I've nothing to do, there's no plans, no dates, it's just a day after another.

Watching dramas after dramas.

That make me feel more argghhh after seeing how sweet the couple can get in the show.

I'm feeling kinda sorry, i don't know, just that indescribable feeling .

During these few days, you were the one who kept me occupied in my mind.

I know it's been such a long time.

But maybe it's just so long that something just strike you again.

And you start recalling every single detail about everything then.

Do you know i have been re-reading everything, and it kept me wondering.

Wondering how stupid i could be, to not treasure what i have.

How bitchy i could get towards you.

How idiotic i could react whenever you wanted an answer.

After so long, i found the answer.

I found the answer to you leaving me without a single goodbye.

I don't love you anymore, im sure of that but it's just that feeling.

And what if, that day, that very day, i did make an effort to try to meet you.

Will this turn out to be our ending?

Will we still end up this way?

I guess i still owe you an apology.

An apology for everything.

Maybe it's the guilt that's haunting me.

I don't know why did i treat you coldly then maybe it's just cause im really uncertain.

Maybe it's just cause i can't feel your love towards me.

I dont feel that i can match up to you.

That's the reason behind everything.

But whatever it is, im sorry.

Happy birthday sot !

DEAREST SOT ! Happy birthday ! I love you <3333

Stay awesome .

You have been a really awesome friend .

Continue to stay awesome and crazy .

I have said everything in the card so yeah (:

Rock on . AND dont be so sick la HAHAHHH PEDOOOOOO xD

Stay happy in whatever you do :D

When will you ever come to your senses ?

Don't you think that piglet in the picture is awesome ?

So much for being so naive . Thanks alot dude . You totally drained out every single bit of respect i have in you . I tried to believe you each time i see you that way . I tried to convince myself that nope that isnt true . But i guess you have utterly prove me wrong . I didn't wanted to believe that fact was placed right before my eyes . How can you expect me to not believe that fact ? Whatever . -.- ! I hate you ! Two sided bastard !Nope this isn't to any of my friends or anyone from esss dont worry (:

School today was rather tiring .
Slept early yesterday . Thanks korkor for packing my things ^^ .
English as the first period . Literally toutured by her .
She was scolding us as usual cause we weren't doing any of her work -.-
I dont even understand what the asdfghjkl she is talking about .
Chinese was alright , love mr chew story telling session :D
Oh ya that reminds me , i havent think of what i should say for that one whole minute .
Geography was threathening , i was praying so hard that she wouldn't call me at any moment .
Cause i really dont know the answer ! Guess i needa really memorise and revise hard this weekend.
Recess was like the daily basis we go through .
Home econs was kinda boring and i felt like im in the north pole . I feel like the aircon like to follow me wherever i seat :/ And i will end up freezing like some mad girl .
Life in SFL was really awkward shan't elaborate on it .
One word awkward is all i can use seriously ._.
And timothy and the boys behind were really irritating _l_ you (;
Went to tm with eileen to get our colour paper but this man was like harrassing us like some pedo ewww .
Im really really freaked out by him no joke it's not funny really ! i swear to my heart i will never ever ever want to meet him again T_T
Went to drink gongcha , J&CO yogurt and nasi lemak (Y)
Now home ^^ bye peeps .

I'm retarded just cause i am .

I'm a crazy bitch whenever i want to be one .

I smile whenever i want to .

I laugh when i think it's funny .

I cry when im sad .

Like or not it's just me :D

The uncertaincy in me is really killing me .

I feel like giving everything up now , seriously .

I dont wish this to carry on i feel like im mentally totured .

I hate playing mind games with people around me , especially with the people i love most .

There is so many things i wished i could tell you so many things i wished i knew .

But the worst part is that im always kept in the dark like an idoit .

You are making me go crazy and i mean it .

Im not being paraniod but just cause im too used to your presence thats why .

I like you and im serious but if you dont , i can't do anything about it .

I can only stand there and watch how things will worsen as my heart shatters into smaller pieces each day .

It's alright im gonna stay strong im gonna put you to the back of my mind .

I have alot of things i gotta to say , but because it's just too much that , the words i use began to lose it's meaning .

It's meaningless typing it all out . imma crazy bitch thats all i know .

I hate myself for getting too devote to someone and causing a whole crap out of everything .

I WISH I COULD JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND MYSELF FORGETTING EVERYTHING ONLY THEN I CAN THEN START AFRESH. NAH MAYBE NOT .

I JUST WANNA END THIS ALL , THATS ALL KTHANKSBYE .

I may look strong on the outside but im still fragile in the inside so mind you please handle me with care .

I maybe smiling on the outside but my heart is tearing inside me .

I wont care anymore cause im too worn out by everything .

Im just not ready for anything now i guess ? :/

Done alot of reflections on many people advice .

Yeah i guess i wouldnt wanna make the wrong decision and end up hurting myself .

Lastly rumours will always remains as rumours .

What's most important is the truth behind these rumours .

Whether it's really true or not , no one knows except yourself .

And that's me , i could be lying on the surface but deep down i know the answer for myself .

The real enemy that i have been fighting with is myself and my stupid ego .

I'm not up to it , i can't face it bravely and end up running away eventually .

That sucks ! I really hate that feeling when you dont know what to do .

Especially when you feel lost about your feelings and no one understand how you really feel .

They cant help you in any way , you have to figure things out yourself .

You can really feel your heart sinking way down .

Like you're all alone on this path nothing else with you that its .

I fall for you alittle bit more everyday .

School first week is gonna pass soon :/ .

Damm it's only the first week and yet im already feeling so restless .

I dread that fact that i have to wake up early in the morning finish my work on time and stuff .

Nah , but it's okay im gonna be persistence .

CCA is tiring me out , new coach came . New warm-ups which could literally kill me on the spot .

Flexibility is one thing im not good at . I guess i needa work doubly hard on it .

Butttt , my whole body is already aching like nobody's business and i still have cca tomorrow.

Well , i guess i really need a good night sleep .
So i can throw away all my worries and troubles and smile my day off in my dream :DD

If we were meant to be im sure we will be .

Hello folks ! Havent blog for pretty long , so i shall update it now :D
Well i kinda found out alot of things this past week . Reflected on somethings too .
I kinda find myself really dumb and retarded sometimes . LOL but it's okayy .
Cause im still JENELLE . LOL ! Hmm feeling confused but i will let nature take it's course (;
If it's meant to be it will , even if it isn't now , eventually it will still be .
Ok , i've been going out these past few days and im really really tired .
Im mentally and physically worn out . Im not joking .
But my mind still have alot of thoughts running in high speed in my brain .
I wish i could just pause it for alittle while but i can't .
That makes me feel really pathetic and i really mean it .
Im physically tired cause of the constant late nights and going out stuff . I.NEED.A.BREAK.
-warning-IM DEPRIVE OF SLEEP !!! -warning-
But im still happy and filled with Yay-ness and i didnt regretted tonning till 5plus am with my dearest (:
However waking up at 8 plus am as i need to go out .
It was seriously miserably tiring but it was F.U.N :DDDD okay im blabbering crap here dont mind me . T^T
Well okayy bye i dont have anything to say . Meet me in my dreams (: OTW TO DREAMLAND

Maybe i got too carried away

You'll never understand how i feel .
There's so many things i wished i could tell you but i can't .
That feeling when you thought you had everything and yet it dissapeared in a blink of an eye .
Well , i guess this is really the end ? I can't stand it anymore like for fuck i have to put up with this and carry on with life like this ?
It seriously just makes me feel so pathetic like im so desperate over things .
I'll just think of it as a joke maybe that will at least make me feel better ?
Forget about everything a goodnight sleep will do me good .
I have to get over with things .
All i wanted was a happy story yet it's was a total turnover .
Well let's wait and watch , let's just see how pathetic im gonna turn out to be .

I guess im really too devote to you that i forgot how cruel reality can turn out to be .

I feel everything fading , things weren't like this last time .
Maybe I'm expecting too much huh ? Yeah that must be the case .
I have this emptiness inside me without you but i still have to past my day smiling .
Though a little gloomier but still surviving as i past my day .
Well , this wasn't that bad like i thought it would turn out to be ?
Although i have been constantly checking on my phone just for your damm message but still I'm fine here .
Missing you alittle more as the days gets longer , praying on every 11.11 just for your name to appear .
Maybe i have to just get over it , it's just another day like how it used to be in the past right ? :D
So at the end of the day I'm still wishing that you were here but again it would just disappoint me whenever i put my hopes too high up .
Especially when everything comes crashing down at a time .
I guess im alittle too devoted to things that i forgot what's reality .

Maybe i should try backing off alittle ?

I really hate it when i want to talk to you so badly but yet i can't

I'm bored ! Super uber uber bored . Im rotting at home for the past 2 days WITH A STUPID FEVER AND COUGH THAT COULD LITERALLY KILL ME LOL ! I can't wait to get out of my house soon enough when i get well :D I'm dreading to do my homework and revision though i MUST do and finish it .I feel like I'm slacking this holiday and i really dislike myself for that but what to do . I just don't have that motivation to start all my work and finish them probably within a week ? I feel so lazy and tired whenever i sit on the chair and see all those question . Oh gosh i have to do something about it ! It's already the second week of holiday . I'm gonna use it wisely from today onwards i hope ? I'm gonna mug with homework and stuff and play hard as well . I need a balance in my timing and restrain myself from all those temptations . I know i get distracted easily and stuff especially with my phone beside me so yeah . AND BUHHH-BYEEE

im sorry but this is the only way how i can vent my frustrations

I hate when someone wants me to change myself to someone else that im not .
I hate when someone wants me to do something not of my liking .
Don't change me to someone else im not cause that's just not who i am .
I am who i am , like it or not .
It just makes me feel pathetic if i were to change for you .
I dont think you will ever like it if i keep nagging about your past isn't it .
Get a life man dude !
And pleaseee stop saying like as if you know everything about me .
Ermm excuse me , you don't and seriously i mean it when i say you don't -.-
Just because i dont express my anger towards you it doesnt mean that im alright with you .
Dont get on my nerve cause you wouldn't like it when i show my ugly side to you .

i swear i'll miss you badly .

Do you know how miserable I'll feel without you . Even if it's just for one day ?

I feel so miserably sad . Can you imagine my life without you for i don't know how long ? ):

Will you miss me as much as how i missed you ?

You said you will miss me but i wonder if it's true or not .

How i wish you wouldn't have your phone confiscated .

Dont try to be someone else cause , i love you for who you are

HEYYYY YOUUUU STOPPPPP CAUSE ,i've got something to say : Iloveyou :D

You're always on my mind and everywhere i go you'll be in my heart.

Maybe you may not feel the same way as i do but it's alright .

Do you know how much i cherish every conversation we make?

Even if you were to reply a stupid reply it would just made me SMILE !

That just how stupid i feel of myself .

But i can't help it you see ):

OKAYYYYY ! HIIIII FOLKS YAWHHSSSS !
LOL im addicted to xuanlin's and amabel's YAWHSSSS-NESS .
Killed my bored-ness these few days by going to vivo on Monday and Tuesday consecutively .
Monday was with eileen koh and tuesday was with amabel and xuanlin . <3
Lovee themmmm all. Sentosa was super super cool and super fun .
Photo spammed all the way and did epic stuff . And shit amabel for getting lost in that damm MRT and taking a different route xD
I WAS LIKE OMGGGG WHERE'S AMABEL ! SHE'S LOSTTTTT ! NOT AGAIN ?!
K im not gonna blog in detailed cause im like really really tired .
Feeling sick now , i guess im falling sick soon enough but arghhh nevermind .
I JUST LOVE TODAY SO MUCH ! HAHAH . FUN SHIT ! :D
I guess im repeating it again huh ? Sorry but bear with me for being so repeative here .
Nevermind i should end my post here (: byebyeeeeee

As the days past are we still the same like before ?

K im bored , im bored , im bored , im bored , im bored , im bored , im bored , im bored , im bored . im bored . im bored . im bored. im bored . im bored . im bored . im bored . im bored .

Anyone feeling the same way as me too ? k nevermind (:

You're the reason why i smile .

Flashback in my mind , i can't get you out of my mind .
All those insane stuff you said you left them running in my head .
Sometimes i really wonder if it's too good to be true.
Well , i'm really not so sure about this but i know one thing for sure is that "i like you ".
You're the reason why i can pass my day smiling like a damm fool .
It's really amazing how you can make me feel like you're everything i need .
If only you knew the importance of yourself towards me .

CAMP'S OVER AND IM COMING HOME WAIT NO IM ALREADY HOME :D

I have this great phobia of falling for you .
But the funniest thing is that i've already fallen for you .
You made me feel like as if you're everything i need .
And with you around im feel contented , that's all .

Camp day 1 .

It was kinda awkward the first day cause i didn't have any girl friends from my class in my group . I was seriously the only 2e3 girl there by myself . Luckily i had huixin , joy and jiaqian . Nice and fun people . Got through the first day with high elements . It was awesomely fun though kinda scary . The toliet was plainly disgusting . The sight and smell of it just makes me feel like puking on the spot . The food sucks too ! The night walk was plainly awesome , the stars were really pretty really nice . I just can't keep my eyes of the stars . Hmm , so after that went to bath and slept beside Jiaci and huixin , the weather was great had a goodnight sleep .

Camp day 2 .

It was a super tiring day . Had this amazing race thing and the nature guided walk . I was super lethargic and the weather cold literally kill me right away . Had to climb steep slope up and down many times . There was so many insects crawling onto me and it's disgusting . So blah blah blah went on climbing and climbing and climbing . And we go down down down down . Back to the camp . Lunch and dinner sucks again . And me and huixin had to clear the stupid rubbish bin and atika took a picture of me and huixin pushing the rubbish dump . Totally suck to the maxs . Alright so had the campfire , we were totally high there , seriously fun to the max . My group and group 12 had some indian dance . Was funny but fun at the same time . Was running around the camp fire . Cool (: Soon it came to an end and went for debrief . Was super tired so me and joy was trying to keep ourselves awake by singing and dancing like some kind of retarted . Next went back to dom and slept . The place was cramp for sleeping , i can't really move much or i will hit the people beside me , so yeah .

Camp day 3 .

Cleaned the canteen and debreif and homesweethome . Aww finally :D Now i have my comfy pillow (: <3

Reality is something you can't run away from

I really dont know anymore !
This seems more PATHETIC than ever .
I afraid to move on but im also afraid to stay on .
Just cause im afraid both way would hurt ..
Should i accept the reality or not ?
Face it , reality hurts .

Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

I've never expected things to turn out this way . Everything is just out of place but yet it still somehow 'looked' in place . Yes i know this is contradicting but this is how contradicting everything is now . So near yet so far . Things turn out to be hectic in a blink of an eye .

School as per normal had all the lesson . First 2 period was checking the Long mark sheet . Overall did better than i really expected . Contented but i hope i can do better than this . I almost died in science class it was super boring . Checking and explaining of the exam script. Literature was fun cause ms cheong was awesome . I've always loved her lesson so no exception for today .English class was extremely boring . Watched some kind of clown movie . It's scary and it's plainly weird , throughout the movie i dont even understand what is the main plot about .--.I just see clowns around and hospitals . Geography was alright . After school went to evita house for awhile and played basketball . Saw this 11 year old boy lol tsk just realised im his neighbour LOL ! EPIC like shit . So coincidental

Boy : im from whitesandsprimary Me : OHHHH me too ! HELLO :D Boy : Ohhh i think i know you ! You're the girl who stay in pasir ris . Me : O.o ok .... i dont know you * weird whisper to eileen : how he know ? . Boy : You stay at my block right i 7 floor and you're the 8 floor girl right . Why you come here ?Me : NOOOO . I stay same floor as you la ! you also ! come here for what ? :D Boy : Really ?! LOL k . *smiles Me : LOL k *smiles

So after that took the bus home and we board the same bus with his dad . Funny ! We use to stare at each other last time when we didn't know each other .This time was different in the lift his dad was like "Hi" I was like "Hi " Stare at the boy and he stare at me . Starting laughing and said hi . LOL this is so coincidental .Went home crapped with mummy and daddy . Shopping at night ate strawberry macarons . OMG it's niceeeeee . Bought my shorts happy ^^. Back to home , sleep .

It just breaks my heart to know that we're impossible

I dont know why but i have this very uneasy whenever i see you .
I know it's really a superwrong choice for me to fall for you but it really can't be help .
I keep thinking about you all day and night and i swear im done and over with him .
Thought about how stupid i couldn't got over him the past few months before .
Now i've finally cleared my thoughts that i dont love him anymore . No more .
It's really over . I've you in my heart now my dear boy .
But seriously , how possible this can be .
I'm 100 % sure that you just treat me like a normal girl or maybe someone you've seen somewhere , somehow in your life .
Walking pass me with a cold stare as i have a glimpse of your sight .
Slowly feelings increase , affections gets stronger but my heart dies each time i see you .
Cause i know , it's never possible between us .

It's a fact and i have to face it isn't it ?

You know that awkward moment when our eyes meet ?
It's always that moment when my heart skips a beat .

Please dont be in love with someone else

I know i can't love you yet i've already fallen so deeply for you .
Reminded myself umpteen times that i can't love you . Knew things will never work out between us ..
But whenever i see the sight of you , i just can't seem to focus on whatever im doing .
My whole attention is driven to you .
You might not even notice me maybe to you im just a girl .
But you'll never know how i ever feel .
The feeling is terrible really terrible .
It is like you know you can't love yet you are already so deeply in love with him .
You can't express anything from the bottom of your heart cause everything is kept within you .
All you can do is to just admire him from afar .
Maybe the least you could do is to just give a really shy smile that don't mean anything to him .
The conversations of us doesn't last a minute at all .
My brain is flooded with you , your name and everything related to you .
Whenever you're with some other girls , i feel uneasy yet i don't even have any right to feel this way .
I have never felt so uncomfortable liking someone like this .
Maybe it's because i know it's really impossible between us .
But what can i do ? I've fell so deeply in love with you .
The words i held back and the tears i kept to myself .
The giggles which was suppose to be loudly exposed was always deep down in me .
Sigh tell me what should i really do .

I hate this i hate this i hate this , I had enough of everything alright . Just because i don't say anything , it really doesnt mean that im alright with it. Your cold replies are like really pissing me off now . K nevermind whatever . -.-

Forcing laughter faking smiles .

Hmm , alright i guess these things are getting really complicating . I'm gonna blog about this once and for all and i really really hope everything will turn out well . I don't wish anyone to feel offended or anything , cause i don't meant it in an offensive way . Maybe this is how i really feel and i just feel like blogging this cause there's too many things kept inside my heart and maybe this is the only way i can express my feelings . And at least everyone can stop bothering about all these Alright so here this goes :

Nobody wished things would turn out this way, i guess . And now even if we blame each other for a certain mistake,things still wouldn't work out isn't it ? Instead things would just turn out to be more complicating and awkward for everyone right ? Why not we all just try put things behind and just stop all these . Don't even mention about this cause at least maybe it will do us all good . Just forget about all those remarks whoever made and try to bond all together . This is happening because some people feel left out . I understand sometimes you feel closer to a certain person but try to balance things out ? Don't leave that person out that much ? And People , stop thinking it's all your fault . No , it really isn't all these would happened not because of one person only . It has to have many many people involve for such a complicating thing to happen . So im really hoping no one would blame themselves or others for this , instead everyone should be responsible for this happening . Think again , We were once all so happy . Laughing and smiling all together as one whole clique didn't we ? I'm sure if we could do that once , we'll be able to that again . All these happened , maybe because we've have some misunderstanding between us . And maybe there may be alot of feeling running inside you but unable to express it to them . But whatever this is , This doesn't affect one person only , it affects everyone . Of course no one wants this to happen and make everyone so upset about this . So erm i just hope everyone would forgive and forget and just be nice and closer to one another . Smile your way through tomorrow no awkwardness just laughter and yeaps :D Evey one stop being so emo about this alright , this just show us that we can have another chance to be more closer and happier together . And sorry if i said anything that offended anyone i didn't meant it that way . So bye babes . (:

Lies , IT'S ALL LIES .

I'm trying to real hard to contain everything inside me . Trying not to have any doubts , trying not to feel that way . But no matter how much i try , it's always proving me wrong each time .

I really dont know what i did wrong .

Neither I do understand what is happening now .

I can tell that you're angry somehow .

But i really don't understand what i did wrong or said wrong .

I'm really sorry if i've did something wrong that pissed you off or anything .

But the very least you could do for me to change is to just let me know what i did wrong .

I'm now totally clueless and vexed .

I'm not sure when i would make you upset again , sigh .

Broken hearted like an unfixed puzzle

Hmm , okayy so i have been busy mugging with my homework and stuff .
School is gonna start in like one day ok .. maybe not even one day . Another 20 hours ?
Or even lesser , it can be counted as a good or bad thing . Maybe a rather tiring thing too .
The daily routine with kick off and worst still with Monday blues . HAHAH it will be worst off .
But maybe i should look forward to it in another way ? :DDD
I'm still left with my chinese and maths homework . I should be quickly finishing them NOW .
But somehow my brain and every part of my body is refraining myself from doing so .
Hmm , maybe i should really get started on things do some revision and stuff .
Afterall , I did play alot for the past few days huh ?
Okayyy enough talking about work and work .

TIME FOR A CHANGE IN TOPIC WAKAKAK .

Im like currently talking to my sot on msn ! She rawk ^^
Ohh yeahh and i like finally found my sis korean book .
I'm now somehow learning how to write and stuff pretty cool I shall show you to it on monday ?
If i remember to bring it kekeke ..
Oh yeah and remember i told you i started loving dream high .
But i just realised when i love watching it and watched it that day .
It was practically the last EPISODE ! HOW GREAT CAN THIS BE ?! HAHAHAHA nevermind .
Anyways this post is getting long so ciaos . Byeeeeeeee people .

Something to cheer up up up up . LEETUEKKKKKKYYYYY !

Babeeee im like posting again cause of youuuuu ! heheheh :D
OKAYY SMILE OKAY . dont get angry cause of such people .
You still got many other true friends other than her alrightsss !
Most importantly she isn't worth for you to be angry and sad about .
SOOOOOOO SMILEEEEEEEE LIKE HOW YOU USE TO !
She , by doing that , she is just showing that she is more childish .
You dont have to reply her after saying your piece .
Be it whatever she say .
Of course like if when she really realise her mistakes and say sorry .
Then you can reconsider about it .
Maybe just make up with her or something alrights ?
But for now just chillax . Im hereeeeeee :DDDDDD

It's gonna be a better day

I've like somehow sorted myself out , hope this is real .

Even if it's not i will just treat it like its that way for the time being then .

HARROW SOT SOT ! im like replying through here and it's like shooo cool :D

LOL ! This post is like specially for you KEKEK !

Im now like watching dream high on tv and it's like super niceeeee .

I didn't realised it till today which means i have also like miss alot of ep ):

I dont know why i will like JYH maybe cause he got the talent to compose songs :P

AND HE'S SO HWAT . HEHEHEHHEHEEH .

OH YEAHH I BOUGHT STICKIES ! Saw that smiley face in the previous post .

YUMYUM ! OKAYYYYYY CALL ME WHEN YOU FREE .

I'm still at lost not knowing how to do maths x.x ....

I can't wait to see you on mondayyyyyyyy HEHEHE ^^

This day , yes this very day .

I swore upon that this is the ever last time i'm gonna cry for you .

Think about you and etc . After this day everything will resume back to normal .

Even if it's gonna hurt , im not gonna cry anymore .

And whatever it is , you have nothing to do with me from today onwards .

I gotta learn how to accept things (:

And thanks for making me had a taste of love at least just that once .

A goodbye was never easy but i still need to say this .

Goodbye ..

SOTTTTTTTTTTTT !

DEAR SOTSOT ! i miss you ! LOL ! So how was the conference with Amabel and Ek ?! Fun huh ? Heheh . Im so so so boredddd . I'm like mugging everything now . History and everything .

Oh yeahhhhh , i feel in love with CN BULEEEEEE JUNGYONGHWA ! SOTSOT , CALL ME WHEN YOU FREE KKKKKK ? HEHEH !

ohhh yeahhh and your RISE3 keke

SHERMAINE YIM HAS OFFICIALLY BECAME MY SOT SOT !
lol , heheh . Random post
Im posting this cause i'm replying you somehow , shermaine .
Honored right , nono shouldn't ask you , you SHOULD FEEL HONORED ALREADY ! cheh jkjk
Im not angry with you la plea-seeee ! I was busy just nowwww HEHE
YEAHHH AND I NEED YOUR EARS NOW ! ):
SO IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE CALL MEEEE ! HAHAHA
:D Anyways i dont have anymore things to say so kbai :D

My love for you is like a hot coffee .
It's like an addiction just like how people get addicted to a cup of coffee .
The more i fall for you , the more bitter things get , it's just like how you drink that cup of coffee . But i can't let go although i know it will hurt in the end but eventually i choose to hold on .
I know , i have broken many promises about forgetting you .
I'm sorry but it can't be help , i guess my love for you is worst than an addiction .
So now tell me what , you left me hanging there not knowing what to do .
I'm just left there like an idiot . Maybe the answer is obvious .
The answer can be right in front of my face but i choose to run away .
I don't know , maybe this sounds pathetic to many people out there .
Even i myself find it pathetic , but it just cant be help .
It's like a forbidden love .

Do you ever understand how i feel ?! Or wait will you ever understand how i feel ?

Cuz im tired of playing mind games , it isn't fun seriously .

I'll prove to you that I'm better off without you .
I'll prove to you that even without you i still can laugh and smile without faking them .
I'll prove to you , i can find someone better than you . Someone who worth more than you .
I'll prove to you that I'll gain back everything I've once lost .
I'll prove to you that i will find back that old me : that girl who never fail to smile no matter what .
I will stop avoiding you , pretending I'm in a conversation just because i wanna hide my presences from you .
Everything will go back to it's original state back to the state when i haven't known you .
Maybe that's when i really have peace with myself .

Hmmm .... i've nothing to say so byebye .

I really want to end this all .

Just stop it please please im begging you please .

Im not feeling any better with you like this .

Seriously , if i had a choice i really hope i could end it all .

Once and for all . At least i dont bring agony to people .

Tired of all these , tired of you , tired of all this fucking things .

YES , im always a trouble to you people .

Im always like this , it's all because of me alrights ?

THANKS for letting me know .

Yeah so finally after all this , im still going in circles .
The empty space there was filled with memories , a shadowed of you appeared .
I smiled , then realising it was just my hallucination .
As i resisted tearing those things away , i kept it close to me
I know its wrong to still keep them with me .
Cause maybe everything there don't exist anymore .
Then again I Saw you from afar there was nothing i could do .
Instead i could only give you an awkward smile and walk away .

I can't put it behind neither can i keep you with me .
ARGHHH whatever !

Right now i really wish i could twist and turn everything around .

Even if i were to just stand at a side to see how that "once a upon a time" , story continues .

I would be more than happy . But just something are irreversible.

Im not sure if im suppose to be happy with things like this or not .

And sometimes inside some smile there bound to be sadness .

Everything is shown beneath those actions and speech .

It's pretty obvious , that everything has change isn't it ?

Yeah i've unintentionally re-read those messages .

Then i thought , was it my mistake ?

Was it my mistake for all these to happened ?

Or isit just me and you , which eventually led to this happening ?

But i know whoever it is doesnt make a difference now isn't it ?

I've seriously have to put everything behind .

Look forward stop thinking .

My emotions are all running wild , im seriously going insane .

With this carrying on i will really go insane .

It's always like this and it didn't change ever since then .

PLEASE GOD DAMM PLEASE , one year one bloody year has past .

It's a new year isn't it ? Can i not have hell anymore im seriously tired of this .

School as per normal today . Those people were so freaking sweet .

Every single one of them were so nice . Ilovethemlots.

Thankyou for all the wishes , thankyou for the presents ,

Thankyou for those sweet love letters goshh it's so touching i wanna cry .

Thankyou for the birthday song which made me become so awkward but it was sweet (Y).

Thankyou for the wishing at exact 12 .

I really appreciate it . You people are the best and always will .

There are lots i really wanna say to each of you special in my heart .

If i have the time i will take the time to type back those sweet things back .

Wait for me alrights Friday is around the corner so i will have the time very soon .

THANKYOUVERYMUCH ! A.W.E.S.O.M.E. PEOPLE

Monday :

Nothing much happened .

Was sick and didnt went to school . )):

Tuesday :

School was mad boring .

But friends were mad fun and awesomeeee !

Donee byebye

Some things in life once its done , its done .

Yes a sorry can heal things but it doesnt mean

it can make a person forget whatever you've done.

Or even take it like nothing has happened .

Saturday :

Had study date with amabel was super fun

But i ended up being super broke for that day .

Went shopping for her cny clothes , we were looking for clothes like mad womens.

Sadly vanessa didnt come ): Hahah its alright next time alrights ? GWS ! lovelove

Sunday :

A boring day at home thats all i have to say .

Monday :

It's gonna be blue i know .

But i dont want blue i want black LOL lame .

I doubt anyone would read this too so its okay for me to crap here xD

It's not only words you say affect people but the actions you do .
Your actions just somehow make me feel so fake when im around you .
You just give me a feeling that you're just using me thats all .
When you need me you come to me and when you don't , look what i get .

ARGHHHHH !
Im feeling so confuse , what should i do , should i follow my heart ?
And go with the flow as my heart wants , or not ?
Im like so mesmerize by you now .
Even if i want to back out im not sure if my heart is willing .
I know im not good enough for you and i'll never be .
Im like just a girl who you dont even notice and yup i know that well .
My imagination goes wild wishing you would be mine but it's impossible , i know that .

Im tired like hell , Went for open house today .
Woke up at 5.30 x.X Performed and stuff .
Went to eat lunch with dearest (: muamua .
Followed up by taking bus back home .
Tv-ed , Fb-ed , Phoned now dinner .
Nothing much to say le IM TIRED AND I WANNA SLEEP SO Kthxbai . :D

Dont tell me you're gonna do it and

even promise me when you're not .

If you dont have the intention to do so

then forget it and just tell me isn't it ?

Why bothering saying so much ,

saying like as if we're really in a lalaland

and in the very end actions doesnt take place .

Im not a pupet i dont do what you instruct me to .
So if you think you can control me , you're wrong , way wrong (:
And if you think im joking , nope , im absolutely not . Get it right ! Kthxbai .


The best way to shut away from the way : LOUD MUSIC ! BEST !
Fucking pissed .