Sometimes, it's just so tough being someone who you really are.
Every action, every word, every step, or even expression you do, your being judge meticulously.
I'm not trying to say anything here but yes, this is how the world goes, how the reality is.
If you're well-like, all odds will be in your favour but if you're not then just too bad.
But what i'm trying to imply is that is judging really that important?
Why can't we look in the mirror and see that all of us aren't perfect either.
What's more, you don't have the slightest bit of rights to criticize anyone cause you yourself ain't better.
These words can't express the indignation that's inside of me.
For every curt remark made, it's another unatoned sin you made.
Don't you ever feel any guilt in yourself?
Having said that, I just can't understand how could you pretend so well.
It's really making me have a really notorious impression of you.
It's just a sentimental feeling that crept onto me, of how we used to be so innocent.
I guess, things changed.
And it isn't surprising because everyone knows that.
The fact is piercing through our eyes, what's more; self denial won't bring us anywhere.
But matter most is, I don't care what others think or say, but as for you.
Why? Why must you hurt me.
Why? Why must it always be you.
You know how much you mean to me, you very well know this.
If you ever realized, ever wondered, ever crossed your mind or even take a second to ponder.
Even if it was just a second how much you've changed.
I'm saying this because I feel your a really different person now.
And I can't differentiate when are you really true. You just give me creeps. Ok. whatever.
Im Just having that nostalgic feeling of care you used to have gave me.
But, not anymore.
I know very well, in your eyes now you're belittling those people who are incapable.
But bear in mind.
If you're gonna look down on others, then look at yourself first cause you aint better.
And don't tell me we're still like before.
Im a human, even if I can't see through you. I can feel it, I can sense it.
This drastic change is just too much. Too much for a person like you to be going through.
Too much for me to handle.
It a brand new year of 2013 but within this short month, I have learnt what cruelty really is.
No one is gonna speak up for you, if you don't speak up for yourself.
What goes around comes around isn't it?
I shall wait and see.

I feel useless.

I wished I could understand you a little more..

I wished I could do a little more for you before you left. 

Everything is just too late before I could react again.

I wished you never left me. From days to months and months to years. 

Time flew pass me in an blink of an eyes. 

I was counting from days to months to years and everything inside of me became too sick of it that I forget what's happiness..

Rob all my emotions now, I don't need them now. Just wanna feel numb all inside out. 

I wished I never knew you, just perhaps things would turn out different. 

Why did you leave me so many memories to reminisced. 

It hurts painfully like a cut in your heart. 

It's able to stitch the wound and stop the pain but there's still the after effect. 

I have no idea why, why am I still stuck to the past when everyone, everything have moved on. 

I just know, I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm sad. 

Family, Friends, Lovers, Crush, Strangers.

I have no idea how I should put this, but I know this isn't the life I want to lead.

This isn't the role I should be playing in my own story, my own movie. 

I wonder how will my past looked at me. How will I be judge from the past to the present. 

Should I feel more glorious? Or rather will I feel more sad. 

I have no idea. Really clueless. I really wished I could step out of my body to take a good look at myself. 

I wanna see how I really behave react and everything. How does people look at me. 

Do I act sluttish? Or am I just an ordinary girl. Or someone whose nice? 

I really wanna judge for myself. The past me and now. 

Well, I'm really curious. Well, so much said for the night. I shall grab some sleep need to fight a battle tmr. Goodnight world  

It's been ages since I last posted and I have a sudden urge of posting something, since it has been really tough these days. Okie I can't really use the word 'tough' I guess? Cause I did have lots of fun these few days celebrating my dearest friend's birthday, so I'm in a spot to say I'm happy or I'm not happy. I would probably say I'm neither here nor there cause I do feel happy with a certain group of people. But I practically don't know how i exactly feel too. But I certain about one thing that I'm really blessed to have a friend who is super nice caring friendly it's just great to have her around to confine in and speak to and have fun with cause she has the all quality a best friend need, I would say. But instead of blabbering about those happy times I've spent, I guess I should also the piles of worries I have in my heart, my mind and everything in me. Firstly, Im really not sure how am I gonna handle those torturous days. Truthfully if it was with a bunch of people I'm comfortable hanging out with, im fine with it.. But for the fact that I'm sandwich between people I'm really awkward with i just cant be myself. I understand for the fact that they are much better in that skill than me but it doesn't mean that everything can just go the way they want it to be. Urgh nevermind... Well, but i shall keep myself positive still. I still have at least 3 sweet friends which are exception from them who will go through this tedious day with me. Hopefully, things will go well and i will feel better. Enough about those, secondly i guess im really not ready for tomorrow, It's tedious and I hate doing things like that .Adding to the fact that after those times we're still stuck in there unable leave. Urgh, I just pray time would pass quickly. I can't wait for saturday cause Saturday is the day I'm always looking forward to. I'm able to shop, eat, play, H2H ,talk, have fun and do everything crazy with my BFF. Moreover when saturday comes it would means that I can be free. Although it's not long but I'm like already thankful that there's a actual break for me cause im really exhausted and i really meant physically and emotionally drained. So yes, I do need a break, im not a robot im a human and even robots do spoil after being over used. So same for me, i do still to be 'charged' or else I will fall sick too. So please take care of me, don't push me to hard or i will break. Anyways refering back to my Best friend, im really thankful to have her a my friend. I'm glad i met her, talked to her and went out with her. Nothing could express my gratitude to her but I'm just happy. Happy to be beside her each time cause whenever i'm with her I don't need to pretend I'm someone else. We have the same likings the same taste for everything. And i just love her as much as my family and my other close friends Hehehe. Goodnight, ciaos.

oh ya and by the way not everything can be resolved by a stupid sorry
Each time your sorry is just to shut me up then forget it. bastard

FUCK! What the fuck is your problem?
This is my life, i make the choices. I don't care whether you like it or not.
I call the shots. I hate people ordering me around.
Its the way I talk it, you don't like it. Then fine, stop talking to me.
First you want me to reply you exactly on the dot. Like as if im your girlfriend.
When you're upset about your family problems you throw your temper on me.
You say i make you worry, but in fact i didn't ask you to worry about me.
You insult me and I don't even got the rights to get mad at you.
Why is this so? Oh, just because you think you can control me?
Im not stirring this up, not trying to make this a big scene.
But you absolutely have to know you limits.
I hate it when you just go overboard. This is absurb. IHATEYOU!

To even think that you're a eloquent person. 
I must be out of my mind.
I can't believe you even have the guts to ask me this? 
Don't you even have the slightest respect for me.
I'm not a person who you question with and ask about everything and anything.
I have my pride and ego as well.
Moreover I am pretty glad i didn't badmouth about her.
Though i dont know what she may have said about me.
I dont really care though. Let the haters sit and stare.

To her: Well, you can hate me for all you want.
Go on, pull my friends in as well. I don't mind.
My concious is clear, i'm still happy in my own world.
As for you, i believe what goes around comes back around.
You wouldn't stay so lucky all the time.
The only reason why i keep my mouth shut and watch how fake you could be around me,
was to just see. How great you could act.
Indeed, you're a good actress.
But don't forget, you reap what you sow.
Fine, this time round I may be the one having rumours about myself.
And probably i am also the stupid one who doesn't knows what's happening.
But im fine. Infact, i'm happier to find out that you're not even my friend.
Though it's sad to know i have such a two sided person around me.
But it's better to know than to not know and continue using my pity, smiles and laughter on you.
Sucha waste of time. Bitch.
Oh wait, did i just scolded you. Oh no, im sorry.. But i was complimenting you in a way too.

Just let me off for just this once please. Im mentally and physically drained.

Please just let me off, just this once.

Seriously, i'm tired of these.

No one will ever understand this agony im going through.

You're like a changed person, everyone isn't the same as before.

New friends, new people, new life, new personality.

Everything just changes, especially when you have something else newer than before.

I don't know. I really don't know how i should explain this feeling to anyone.

Cause no one, just no one seem to understand.

Everytime when i rack up those things.

In the very end, it will always seems like im the one kicking up a really big fuss about everything here.

I really just want someone to talk to. Someone that understands me.

Stand by me.

Every post i have been trying to convey this whole lot of words. Again and again.

But it's never working.

It's always like these. Repeating like a broken recorder.

Saying im sorry, over and over again.

But you don't really mean it. If thats the case. Then don't bother saying it.

Im serious. It'll just save your time and everything else.

Im fine. Fine being alone, fine by myself.

I'll find someone better off. Happy now?

Yes, even if im crying, wailing, screaming.

No one even cares. It's just fucking useless. FINE! I'll not do that anymore.

I'll just shut up, lead my own life. K thanks.

I love you, my dear.

Maybe I'm not over you.

Maybe I'm just immune to your non-existence

Maybe you're still living deep down in my heart.

Maybe I'm thinking too much, too much for anything.

Maybe all these while, im just distracting myself just to divert my attention from you.

Maybe just maybe i still have a tingling love hanging here inside my heart.

Maybe i was wrong.

Maybe we could have establish a long run by now.

Maybe all these are just too late.

Yes, it's too late. Im sorry.

Another hectic day down

Okay. Seriously, i hope all these Shits will just stop from now on. And you will just stop all these nonsense. Thanks bitch.

Fcktard

Im really speechless by your actions.

This is not what i call love, instead its just a plain obsession.

Seriously, to be honest you're freaking me out.

I can't stop you from liking me but the least you can do is to respect me.

By giving me that space,freedom and privacy. I should have for myself.

If you're gonna continue following me around 247 it doesnt make me feel better.

Instead, you'll just make me feel annoyed and uneasy.

If this is ever gonna continue, i can assure you my patiences won't last for long.

I don't wanna seem like a bitch by telling you off or whatsoever,

But your actions is really putting me in a great dilema.

In fact, im seriously freaked out by you and i don't think we can even continue to be friends this way.

Urgh. At least have some sense of pride in you? Please, im begging you.

Just stop it. Im gonna go crazy if this is gonna carry on. PLEASE JUST STOP IT.

I NEED SOME SPACE ALONE

Thanks for making my life a total mess

So now what? Everything's turning against me?

Fine! Go ahead.

Seriously, everything's changing.

Is it just me or just cause this reality.

I can't seem to tell you anything anymore.

You longer that one person, i can blurt out all my feelings to.

Cause everytime when i do, you always seem to be frustrated.

You're always half-hearted. You're person is here, but not your heart and brain.

You weren't like that before. But eversince this year, you changed.

I don't mind the others changing and turning against me or whatsoever.

Cause i was very certain then, you were that one, thta one who will always stand by me no matter what happens.

Yes, yes i know, i know im not up to you. Be it whatever, academics, holistically, pe, and all.

I know the rest are. But i know very well, you ain't that kind of person who look down on others.

Perhaps its just me. Perhaps i not doing well. Okay.. so be it. Im tired, really tired.

Really tired of everything.

Just spare me for once.

i think im falling for you :/

I know, i know i shouldn't be feeling this way.

I know we're far from how reality should be but im really falling for you.

I know it's unfair, and i feel guilty too.

But truthfully, i liked you first.

And no matter what, i know we are never meant to be.

But still, i wish i can continue liking you.

Even if it's just to see you from afar, it'll make my day. I swear.

Baby boy, you're the last i would want to see you with another girl.

Though i have no rights to stop you, but i really wish, even if you find a girl you like.

Find someone special, pretty, unique and nice.

Last but not least stay happy my dear boy.

Once you're happy, i'll be too.

Cause, your smile on your face, never fails to make me smile too. ily.

And everytime when we have eye contact, i just can't seem to look into your eyes.

Just cause, im afraid i'll fall deeper for you each time.

Needa get some good rest.

Back from cca. Im tired and shag.

Oh well gotta keep things going.

I survived that hectic first week of school! Yay~

Hmm, so after last year's long break.

Everything kinda fall back into place like how it should be.

Everyone's now back to school. Okay, maybe not the minds and the heart.

But more or less the people are back.

Sec 3 life is really tougher than sec 2 and before.

I've lots to catch up on and pay attention in class be it whatever subject.

The teachers are kinda nice but strict though.

I hope i can really do well in my studies this year, expecting at least a B-A for my results! Stress!

Which also means that i have to work doubly hard and extremely hard.

I have been having endless late night work. And im really shag now.

Feeling that im so busy everyday. Oh well, this is life. I have to accept it.

Cca is kinda stress too. There's many things for us to remember.

All i can say and do for everything, be it studies or cca or whatsoever is PRACTICE, PRACTICE AND PRACTICE. HOPEFULLY, BY THEN I CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING WELL.

Cause... Practice makes perfect! Heh! ~ ^.^

Today East Spring Chinese Dance Open House was kinda successful? Ok.. Maybe better than last year.

Hopefully aleast 10-15 sec 1s will join chinesedance!!!!~ If not our dance troupe will be doom so. :{

After cca open house. Me, huishan and Vanessa went KFC to eat chicken!~

Yumyumyum. Nomnomnom. #Drools

Right after eating me and huishan went home and then went to Yuanshen's house with cyrus to talk? LOLOL.. ^.^

Had fun there while talking. Heh. Funny people.

So yeap, that's all for today! Gonna get started on my homework soon.

I can do it. HEHEHEHEH! *Self motivation.*

New year, new start.

Imma very happy girl now.

Thanks guys for being sucha great friend this December and November.

You guys have brought me joy, laughter and lots of smiles.

New year, New start, New set of laughter, smiles and happiness.

I'll never forget this holiday.

Though it's just 60 days, but I've collected alot of great memories with you guys.

1. The alumni day camp

2. I don't know how many times of going out esp. to mbs ^^ ahaha.

3. Chalet

4. New year celebration.

5. Planning of stuff.

6. Etc, etc.

It's etched in my heart. Heh.

Though i have only known your around 1/2 month or so?

You guys made me feel very welcome and comfortable around you guys.

Thanks! Hope this year we'll be closer and happier together.

Hehee. Last but not least happy new year everyone. Though its kinda late but still. <3

Okayy so on new year's day.

I went out to meet hs at 9.30pm ? Went to yuanshen's house. Soon Jerome came then cyrus came too. Eventually Zile and yuanteng came too. Watched tv and they play majong cause apparently i don't know how to play. Ahahah. Then joke around and stuff. 12am we went downstairs to play with the spray thingy? And fireworks heh. Took pictures with the Polaroid and went home around 1.45? Okay that's about all. Byeeeee people. ^^ Gotta tons of homework i needa mug. Tomorrow's school and im doom. Shag. Ciaos <3

Inferior.

Im starting to realise that whatever i do now.. be it anything, im just not up to it.

Im not as pretty as her.

Not as smart as her.

Not as great as her.

Not as amiable as her.

I feel im lagging behind in every way.

And i seem to be one step behind in everything i do.

I don't know why, but just.. I hate this feeling.

Everytime when i have expectations for myself, i just can't seem to reach it and accomplish it.

It's just disappointment after another disappointment.

I don't know how i can make myself feel confident about things i do now and most importantly me..

Cause in your heart, im always invisible or maybe just good for nothing.

I really dread myself being this way. Im unsure about the things i want and the thing i need.

But, now, All, i need is just a listening ear. That's all..

I don't understand why things have to turn out to be so complicating.

I wished i could turn back time. But it's pointless.

I thought, i was stronger but it turn out to be the other way.

I thought i could do it alone. Strive my way through with a smile and laughters.

But then again, it's easier said than done.

You're so far from reality. Im left here hanging again.

Its a merry merry Christmas

Another Day out with vanessa to orchard, celebrating Christmas! ^^
A rather busy day with long traffic, crowded regions, road blocks and shopping..
But despite all these.... It was an awesome day out! HEH!

LOVE CHRISTMAS !!
Okay its late gonna sleep now. Night people. Happy belated Christmas!!!~

Give me a break will you?

Holiday is coming to an end.

A new year is starting.

School's reopening.

My homework aren't finish.

Packed schedules.

Im as good as dead.

Sometimes, i really wish.. i could be freed from all these frustrations.

I wish i could run away to a really far place where everything are meant for me. Made for me.

No frustrations, no sadness, no anger, no tears, no lies, nothing but happy.

There's so many things i wish but none can turn to reality.

So many things i wished you could understand, time after time.

So many expectations that turn into disappointment.

But afterall....

I just hope everything turn for the better.

I hope you'll feel better, be happier, smile more, laugh more.

And last but not least, understand how i feel.

Stand in position for once.

Shower me with love for once.

Talk to me nicely for once.

Just be who you're suppose to be for once.

And lastly Please... show me you care for once.

Don't disappoint me any further.