Sometimes, it's just so tough being someone who you really are.
Every action, every word, every step, or even expression you do, your being judge meticulously.
I'm not trying to say anything here but yes, this is how the world goes, how the reality is.
If you're well-like, all odds will be in your favour but if you're not then just too bad.
But what i'm trying to imply is that is judging really that important?
Why can't we look in the mirror and see that all of us aren't perfect either.
What's more, you don't have the slightest bit of rights to criticize anyone cause you yourself ain't better.
These words can't express the indignation that's inside of me.
For every curt remark made, it's another unatoned sin you made.
Don't you ever feel any guilt in yourself?
Having said that, I just can't understand how could you pretend so well.
It's really making me have a really notorious impression of you.
It's just a sentimental feeling that crept onto me, of how we used to be so innocent.
I guess, things changed.
And it isn't surprising because everyone knows that.
The fact is piercing through our eyes, what's more; self denial won't bring us anywhere.
But matter most is, I don't care what others think or say, but as for you.
Why? Why must you hurt me.
Why? Why must it always be you.
You know how much you mean to me, you very well know this.
If you ever realized, ever wondered, ever crossed your mind or even take a second to ponder.
Even if it was just a second how much you've changed.
I'm saying this because I feel your a really different person now.
And I can't differentiate when are you really true. You just give me creeps. Ok. whatever.
Im Just having that nostalgic feeling of care you used to have gave me.
But, not anymore.
I know very well, in your eyes now you're belittling those people who are incapable.
But bear in mind.
If you're gonna look down on others, then look at yourself first cause you aint better.
And don't tell me we're still like before.
Im a human, even if I can't see through you. I can feel it, I can sense it.
This drastic change is just too much. Too much for a person like you to be going through.
Too much for me to handle.
It a brand new year of 2013 but within this short month, I have learnt what cruelty really is.
No one is gonna speak up for you, if you don't speak up for yourself.
What goes around comes around isn't it?
I shall wait and see.

I feel useless.

I wished I could understand you a little more..

I wished I could do a little more for you before you left. 

Everything is just too late before I could react again.

I wished you never left me. From days to months and months to years. 

Time flew pass me in an blink of an eyes. 

I was counting from days to months to years and everything inside of me became too sick of it that I forget what's happiness..

Rob all my emotions now, I don't need them now. Just wanna feel numb all inside out. 

I wished I never knew you, just perhaps things would turn out different. 

Why did you leave me so many memories to reminisced. 

It hurts painfully like a cut in your heart. 

It's able to stitch the wound and stop the pain but there's still the after effect. 

I have no idea why, why am I still stuck to the past when everyone, everything have moved on. 

I just know, I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm sad. 

Family, Friends, Lovers, Crush, Strangers.

I have no idea how I should put this, but I know this isn't the life I want to lead.

This isn't the role I should be playing in my own story, my own movie. 

I wonder how will my past looked at me. How will I be judge from the past to the present. 

Should I feel more glorious? Or rather will I feel more sad. 

I have no idea. Really clueless. I really wished I could step out of my body to take a good look at myself. 

I wanna see how I really behave react and everything. How does people look at me. 

Do I act sluttish? Or am I just an ordinary girl. Or someone whose nice? 

I really wanna judge for myself. The past me and now. 

Well, I'm really curious. Well, so much said for the night. I shall grab some sleep need to fight a battle tmr. Goodnight world  

It's been ages since I last posted and I have a sudden urge of posting something, since it has been really tough these days. Okie I can't really use the word 'tough' I guess? Cause I did have lots of fun these few days celebrating my dearest friend's birthday, so I'm in a spot to say I'm happy or I'm not happy. I would probably say I'm neither here nor there cause I do feel happy with a certain group of people. But I practically don't know how i exactly feel too. But I certain about one thing that I'm really blessed to have a friend who is super nice caring friendly it's just great to have her around to confine in and speak to and have fun with cause she has the all quality a best friend need, I would say. But instead of blabbering about those happy times I've spent, I guess I should also the piles of worries I have in my heart, my mind and everything in me. Firstly, Im really not sure how am I gonna handle those torturous days. Truthfully if it was with a bunch of people I'm comfortable hanging out with, im fine with it.. But for the fact that I'm sandwich between people I'm really awkward with i just cant be myself. I understand for the fact that they are much better in that skill than me but it doesn't mean that everything can just go the way they want it to be. Urgh nevermind... Well, but i shall keep myself positive still. I still have at least 3 sweet friends which are exception from them who will go through this tedious day with me. Hopefully, things will go well and i will feel better. Enough about those, secondly i guess im really not ready for tomorrow, It's tedious and I hate doing things like that .Adding to the fact that after those times we're still stuck in there unable leave. Urgh, I just pray time would pass quickly. I can't wait for saturday cause Saturday is the day I'm always looking forward to. I'm able to shop, eat, play, H2H ,talk, have fun and do everything crazy with my BFF. Moreover when saturday comes it would means that I can be free. Although it's not long but I'm like already thankful that there's a actual break for me cause im really exhausted and i really meant physically and emotionally drained. So yes, I do need a break, im not a robot im a human and even robots do spoil after being over used. So same for me, i do still to be 'charged' or else I will fall sick too. So please take care of me, don't push me to hard or i will break. Anyways refering back to my Best friend, im really thankful to have her a my friend. I'm glad i met her, talked to her and went out with her. Nothing could express my gratitude to her but I'm just happy. Happy to be beside her each time cause whenever i'm with her I don't need to pretend I'm someone else. We have the same likings the same taste for everything. And i just love her as much as my family and my other close friends Hehehe. Goodnight, ciaos.